Have you ever had a conversation about sustainability and found that people tend to get angry, dismissive, argumentative or go into denial?
Why not try these tips for effectively starting and maintaining a conversation on these issues?
Tell the person about your worry and ask for their advice:
- ‘I wonder what I can do about…what’s your advice?’
- ‘What would it take for us to…’
- ‘What makes it so hard to talk about…?
People are honoured to give advice if the question is sincere. Making the issue personal is more genuine and interesting.
Pre-empting fears reduces potential resistance, and breaks the confrontation by making the person you are speaking with part of your team. Focus on the heart – what people are feeling and needing – rather than getting caught up in analyses, diagnoses and judgments.
Avoid Why? which moves people into the defensive. Instead ask ‘can you explain to me how you got to this conclusion?
Avoid No! instead say ‘how does this connect to (your idea)?’
Avoid ‘Yes, but…’ instead use ‘yes, and…’ or say ‘yes I hear you say…and at the same time I observe…’
Never hear judgments, just needs and feelings.
Using ‘why?’, ‘no!’ and ‘yes, but…’ negates, judges and moves the conversation into an inquisition or cross-examination mode. Agreeing or disagreeing brings you back into judgment mode. Reflect back what the person you are speaking to says, so they know they have been heard.
Enjoy listening: ‘That’s interesting, can you tell me more?’ Ask for examples.
When people challenge you, hear it as an unmet need and answer accordingly.
You can show compassion if you try more to understand than to be understood.
Conversation intensifiers affirm your interest, and encourages and welcomes the contribution of the person with whom you are speaking.'
Do you use any of these techniques in your communication approaches? Have they made conversations unfold differently?